This week Ewan proves that insecurities about how we look really do affect everyone.
I had a crisis the other day that was stupid in every fucking form of the word. At a powerlifting comp and there was a guy who’d cut the sleeves off his t-shirt. ‘Fuck’, I thought, ‘I quite like the look of that’. So later I got back to my hotel, whipped a tee out of my bag and pulled the sleeves off. I flung it over my head thinking ‘yeah, gonna look badass like that guy!’ I did not. I looked a bit… flaccid.
Well, in reality I didn’t. I looked alright really. But compared to that guy, and the vision I had in my head, it just wasn’t right. So now I’m in a wee predicament: I want to wear the top, but I don’t feel I can pull it off.
Keeping in mind I’m at a powerlifting comp. And while these events are one of the most body positive places you can be, it’d be foolish to think people aren’t looking at your physique, trying to gauge how strong you are.
So now I’ve got this top on with my skinny pale arms out, and I like it, but I don’t feel good enough to wear it. Queue a good 30 mins of debating and looking in the mirror. Can I wear this top? Does it look like I want it to? What will people think? Will they scoff at this skinny idiot trying to look cool?
Then I got annoyed at myself, ‘it’s a fucking tee shirt Ewan. You like the way it looks, put the fucking tee shirt on. You massive wanker.’
And so I did. I went back to the training hall with my tee shirt with no sleeves and help set up the competition for the next day. And not a soul batted an eyelid. Nobody gave a fuck. And why would they?
A couple of days later I wore a vest in public, and I didn’t have any sort of self-conscious crisis. I put the vest on and went outside and had a jolly good time.
Tell you what, next time you’re in a coffee shop, or restaurant, just look out the window and people watch. You’ll see every shape, colour, creed and style. And look at how people react. Look at how you react yourself. A passing glance maybe? At the most a ‘huh’. Then everyone just gets on with their day.
Don’t stress it, just put the fucking top on.
You can find Ewan and all his training related blogging here at Union Barbell.