The Gintlemen: Minus Sized Men
Hello again, A quick fashion gripe to go through this time, obviously this more of a plus sized men blog, and that’s a problem when it comes to most off the peg items, worse still is the dreaded Inside leg measurement.
I stand a huge 5ft 5 AND A HALF, it’s all important the half, I was told so by an anaesthetist once, they were either trying to ease me under, or lying to me.
So, my issue is, jeans! Bloody jeans, I love denim, always have and believe you me I have spent from £15 on a market for Levi’s seconds to £170 on boss orange, “there are much more expensive jeans” I hear you say, and therein lies my issue.
Set the scene:
Sales floor in swanky department store.
Me just being able to to peer over the top of the fixtures, spotted by eagle eyed sales assistant, they pounce…
We agree – are not these #insert brand name# jeans the best?
Yes, yes they are.
Would I like to try them on?
Oh would I.
So what size would sir care for?
36 short please…….. (in the background a pin drops almost silently)
I’m sorry sir but…
Yes that’s right, not available in my leg size.
I could have them taken up I hear you cry! At over 200 pounds a pair I wouldn’t butcher some jeans just to make them fit, in the same way you wouldn’t order a steak and cut it in half because the bit left is what will fit in your tummy.
Turn ups! What next Grolsch tops in my shoes?
Plus I could never get them level!
So I shuffle out of high brow, and trip over the dragging legs of the jeans I’m currently wearing – ground myself and head to home, where I seek solace in the internet. The place where I can order jeans in a myriad of leg sizes.
But I don’t want that, I want the thrill of the swinging paper bag, the swagger of where I shopped, please oh denim overlords give me equal rights for little legs!
No sales assistants were embarrassed in the writing of this