This week John talks acceptance of himself, and his size.
I’m a big fatty, at work when I need to wear a lead coat for operations involving X-Ray I always say “I’ll go and get my fat man coat on” everyone chuckles but with me not at me, and I’m fine with it.
I am fine with being a fatty.
Honestly, I am, I would like to lose some weight because depression and stress over the last couple of years caused by a brutal legal dispute, which we won, and buying a new house has meant I have become bigger than I want to be, but I’ll lose the couple of stone I need to next year and get back to the 18 stone I’m frankly happy with being.
I also know that being overweight does me no favours in terms of my health, I know that no matter how fit I am being what, four or five stone, bigger than I should be is putting pressure on my joints and on my heart, just to make that clear to everyone.
But I have over the last six months become much more comfortable in who I am and trying to be a bit smarter because I had started to become a slob.
I mean I can still be a slob at times, I’m sitting my pants and nothing else typing else, photos on request, and I’ve probably got some mince pie and Bailey’s in my beard but it’s boxing day and I’m tired so give me a break.
But my oh my had I let myself go.
Scruffy for one thing, not bothering to keep my hair shaved neat on my head and letting my beard get to the point I was starting to get people hand me loose change in the street and my clothes? Oh dear.
I had totally fallen into that pit that many fatties fall into, because clothes are harder to source we just buy up joggy bottoms and big tops, mainly in black, drowning myself in cheap fabric, I became shapeless and even unhappier than I was.
So I decided to change, I have to give credit to three companies (none of whom are paying me by the way but if they want to send me stuff they are welcome).
First is Jacamo, I don’t really rate their shirts but their jumpers, trousers, jackets and coats are outstanding, picked up a couple of polo shirts too and I’ve just decided to buy a nice overcoat.
Next is T.M Lewin, still doing lovely, really well made shirts in sizes many other shirt companies struggle to bother with.
And finally Marks & Spencer are still offering a very good range and one I’ve been delving into more over the winter months, which is from August to April in Scotland.
I’ve been slowly but surely dressing better, being more confident again, I used to wear tweed coats and striped boating jackets with red trousers and silk scarves, I’m a bit off that but getting out of the tracksuit, oh the irony of being 20 stone and wearing sports clothing, and getting into nice trousers and jeans again. Wearing shirts and polo shirts over boring black or dark blue shirts but I’m back to wearing nice coats too.
The giant hoodies have gone, banished onto the bonfire and have been replaced with parka coats and a wool overcoat, when I get back to 18 stone I’ll be able to get the boating jacket back on and I might be able to squeeze into my amazing Alexander McQueen coat which coat a fortune but which lies unworn because it doesn’t fit but it will again, soon.
Much of this has come from looking in a mirror and for the first time thinking “wow, you look like shit” my depression has lifted as the the pressure of the legal dispute has been forgotten and we’re all starting to settle into the new house.
I’m also starting to exercise more too, working on my punch bag and getting out walking and cycling, doing weights too, it’s about being fit and fat, about accepting who I am but also realising I do need to exercise so I’m not knackered at work and that I can play with my daughter and not need a sit down after ten minutes.
I’ve also made sure I don’t have any rubbish snacks in the house and I’m cutting back on drink too, I only really drink whisky with a touch of water but I’m cutting back on the wine to a bare minimum, the wine is bad enough but after half a bottle of wine I’m dialling a pizza with curried chips and it needs to be curtailed.
The trick seems to be to like yourself, like your life, accept who you are and get on with being awesome.